But its especially good when its winter...
Has anyone else noticed it getting a little chilly in the air of late? Of course, this probably only applies to local readers, that being of the British pursuasion. Should imagine anyone reading this from, say, Thailand, is finding it swelteringly hot, so you might want to ignore the following:
Beards. beards are brilliant. I love beards, especially when they're growing on my face. I find it upsetting that during the summer months I can only really start to grow a modicum of stubble before 80% of my body's moisture starts to leave via the pores in an emotional protest at me generating unneccesary body heat. Therefore, when it starts to gert cold out, as mentioned above (hello again Thailand), I like to start experimantally letting the stubble grow just that little bit more.
Of course, there's the inevitable itching phase whereby you feel like you need to peel your face off rather than actually keep the wiry fuzz carpet growing out of your skin - but you have to persist and fight through the pain to get to the glorious beardage beyond.
You can play and experiment with the shape of your new beard. Do you go for the full 'Afghani', or do you trim and clip and maintain that perfect plumage reserved mostly for people called Roger? Do you have a chinstrap, or a....nother type of beard? I personally like to link my massive sideburns to a kind of Lemmy-from-Motorhead tash, much like the one sported by the character 'McTavish' in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. I mean, there was actual emotional attachment to that beard.
The beard will keep you warm. well, it'll keep your face warm, but who likes a cold face? Eh??!
The absolute beast part of having a beard though, are the strokey beard moments. They're amazing. When you want to stare out into space and ponder some deep and strange philosophy, and all you need to complete this wonderfully perfect moment is something to stroke when... wait, I can stroke my beard! And oh does it feel good! I could stroke it for hours and just stare at nothing in particular until they fill me with lithium and cart me away to the farm.
I love beards.
My girlfriend hates beards. She hates me having a beard. She says it makes me look creepy and gives her face a rash when I kiss her. Apparently its all scratchy and weird. Weird! She even threatened to remove sex from the relationship if I insist on growing it! I mean, what is the world coming to? That's just beardist!
Personally I won't be manipulated in such a way. I'm happy to sacrifice my needs in the bedroom for my needs in the beard. I will sit there happily, one hand stroking my beard, the other stroking my...er...cat. I will ponder and stroke and kiss my girlfriend until her face is all red and splotchy and angry with my beard.
Its only a few months a year. All summer long she gets to have my unadorned, smooth and beardless cheeks all to herself. How about I have the winter bit to beard up and actually have a warm face for a change?
Am I right fellas?? Lets make a stand! Like Kevin Smith, or Abraham Lincoln or Jesus!
All hail the beard, and the pleasure and warmth it giveth
Amen
JP